UnNews:US to invade Syria just to show it can
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
4 January 2014
Washington DC, USA -- The President of the Empire wished to quell peasants' worries today and took the stand to affirm firmly and definitively that the US Army would intervene in Syria "for the hell of it" and that there would be no "real objective". Dressed in Navy Seals official fatigues and a clown wig, the President addressed the crowd of Illuminati journalists in attendance:
"I can assure you that we have no definite plans regarding Syria. We're gonna go there and shoot everything that moves, in the name of good fun. I think we owe it to our troops to have a stress-free shooting free-for-all. The wars of recent years have been tough, I firmly believe we need to let off some steam here."
The Build-her-Burgers in the journalistic brass asked the obvious: "What if there is civilian casualties? People who happen to be around the targeted cities?"
"The more the merrier," the Commander-in-Chief said. "Now that openly-gay people can join the US army, we have an all-including ethos and it would be unfair to only kill terrorists and Dutch photojournalists. After all, one does not make an omlette without cracking eggs."
"And what exactly are you trying to accomplish, Mr. President?" uttered the UnNews reporter uneasily.
"A Call of Duty-like shootout with unlimited ammo and grenades. I want to make one big massacre and I want to do it the American way. There's been a shortage of quality gore on the reputable websites I visit regularly and I wish to remedy this sad state of affairs. This is a free country and this means we are free to think, kill and slaughter people the way my buds in the Military Industrial Complex told me to. I see by your baffled looks that you don't have any more question so goodbye and God bless America."