UnNews:US judge rules wiretaps illegal; nobody cares

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17 August 2006

This is how President Bush feels about your civil rights.

DETROIT, Michigan -- A federal judge in Detroit has ruled that a U.S. program to tap some phones without warrants is unconstitutional, and must be halted at once. Unfortunately, nobody cares, and if anyone did, President Bush would begin to tap their phone as well.

Upon hearing of the ruling, and after he stopped laughing, President Bush commented, "He's a judge and I'm the President, so he can just go pound sand. We can't catch terrorists and other enemies of freedom unless we have complete access to all private telephone conversations." The judge has since had his phone tapped.

The wiretapping scheme, known as the 'Terrorist Surveillance Program', was approved by President in 2001 after the 11 September 2001 attacks on Washington and New York, and Congress rolled over and exposed its belly like a submissive puppy. It involves tapping conversations between callers in the U.S. and "whoever the hell we wanna tap, okay!"

Nosy civil liberties campaigners and other haters of America brought the case against the program, which was uncovered by the U.S. media. Since then, all the participants in both actions currently have their phones tapped. The U.S. government has previously insisted that the action is "as legal as it's gonna get," although some critics have pointed out that the wiretapping is in conflict with the 4th Amendment. These critics have since had their phones tapped, in some cases, twice.

President Bush has already been rebuked by the U.S. Supreme Court over his plans to imprison and try suspects being held in Guantanamo Bay without charging them with crimes, but that little misunderstanding has been quieted since he filled the Court with his own neo-conservative puppets. Bush insists that although the program, "may be in conflict with the basic principles of democracy and common law, 'which is isn't', we're at war! Nixon did it durin' Vietnam, so why can't I do it during Iraq?"