UnNews:US astronauts 'did not fly drunk' (but did "just a little" LSD)

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 August 2007

Captain, I think we're going the wrong w...

THERE IS NO EVIDENCE that astronauts have been drunk on flight missions, an investigation by US space agency NASA has found. However it was found that "just a little" LSD and cannabis usage is "part of the norm of pre-flight rituals".

It is thought the practice may date back right to the early 1930s.

The revelations may partly explain why Neil Armstrong famously "took his pet moon-dog" for a walk during his lunar mission in 1959 "to do a moon-poop". The incident was feted as a prank but it has since emerged that he had been smoking copious amounts of "the wacky baccy" during the long flight to the moon. Additionally, in recently released radio transcripts, Buzz Aldrin himself proclaimed that "the stars were falling down" and that he apologised for "accidentally eating the moon after mistaking it for a banana."

The probe was prompted by a report that said Nasa astronauts had been seen "talking to walls" and rolling on the ground "convinced that they were sausages being cooked on a barbeque".

Speaking before the launch of the shuttle Endeavour earlier this month, Nasa head Michael Griffin said it was "uncredible" that astronauts could be drunk given the medical tests and scrutiny they underwent before flying. He did however accede that narcotic use was "an endemic part of our culture".

Mr Griffin later proclaimed himself the Messiah and began to flagellate himself with a rasher of smoked bacon.

Sources

• In space, can anyone hear me smell? "shit, there's a gold fish in my helmet!" BBC, August 30, 2007