UnNews:The Internet named the most wasted invention of all time

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26 December 2012

This huge global network has so much promise, but continues to be squandered by the average user and humor website editor.

TOKYO, Japan -- An international committee has just named the Internet, a popular worldwide communication network, the most wasted human invention of all time. The Committee for the Support of Positive Human Impact (CSPHI), which consists of representatives of all over the world, published their newest list today, which highlighted the top most misused or wasted inventions created by humans. The committee stated that it had been running severely low on inventions to add to its regular "Top Inventions of the Year" list, and in order to fill space in its monthly pamphlet, created this bold new statement of humankind's biggest squanderings of great promise.

The committee's decision to award the Internet with the highest position on the "Most Wasted" list came as the result of years of extensive observation of the complex global network. Ultimately, an international panel of qualified judges determined that because of the ways the Internet has come to be used by the majority of people with access to it, the Internet simply did not live up to its great potential. The huge presence of pointless online diversions such as memes, lolcats, and pointless humor sites as opposed to resources of actual lasting value severely hurt the Web's chances of hitting the CSPHI's "Best Of" list.

The committee stated that some groups have used the Internet in a positive way, by taking advantage of its readily available social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter and using them to achieve their goals (see Egypt, for example). However, these sort of revolutionary actions have not sparked any sort of noticeable fire in the hearts of most other Internet users who may wish for change in even the smallest ways. These people, especially meme-hungry Americans, have simply continued to use social networks as giant cesspools of unamusing daily updates and havens for paedophiles. What a wasted opportunity for anyone fed up with modern America and looking for communication and change.

The CSPHI tweeted their decision on both their Facebook and Twitter pages, where both received over two hundred comments or replies each, almost 85% of which were either "lol" or "wtf I don't get it". The committee has used responses like these to add onto their case against the Internet, now without a doubt the most wasted invention in the history of humankind.