UnNews:Syrian Government Denies Killing Farmer's Turks

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13 May 2013

A native Turk tailed turk mourning in the morning after reading a book on bad puns.

Reyhanly, Ottoman Empire — Syria has denied responsibility for the 46 turkies killed Saturday after having allegedly helped blow up two tractors in a neighbour’s farm. The Syrian Government stated it would never commit such an act because of values regarding bombs. ‘It's too expensive to buy car bombs’, said the Syrian Unformation Minister Omran al-Zoubi.

The Syrian Government is upset because its chickens kept fleeing to neighbours due to internal affairs it’s had since 2011. Syria’s teenagers are rather rebellious, and have taken over 500+ acres of the farm.

The Shabiha-backed Syrian Government refers to its rebellious children as ‘terrorists who ought to be shot in the face’. Some nations have criticised Syria for shooting its own chickens, in the face. United States Secretary of State John Kerry stated in a conference in Russia last week, ‘[The US and Russia] really want the same thing here, to accomplish the same goal. The UN, the Arab League... We all just want to order pepperoni extra large with a side of turkey’. Thus, the United States is officially sided with the Turks.

Turkeys are members of the North Atlantic Turkey Organisation, or NATO, and opposes the ‘abusive’ parenting of Syria. al-Zoubi called turkey prime minister Erdogan a ‘butcher’, which plays very nicely for this metaphor. He claims the turks have been sending military aid to Syrian rebels, such as turkey food, cute turkey hats, and shotguns.

Turkeys are now pressured on how to deal with Syrian chickadee refugees seeking to escape their parents’ oppressive household, where they have to be in bed by 22:00.

Sources

• "Syria denies Turkey Reyhanli car bombs role" BBC News, 12 May 2013