UnNews:Sweden officially declares sex as sport

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Monday, June 5th, 2023

John Johnsson, in all of his glory.

GOTHENBURG, Sweden -- As a result of the country's individual victory of this year's Eurovision, in which its selected entrant, Loreen, casually disrobed amid performance (hence why she won), the nation of Sweden has, since during the weekend, announced its ongoing plans to host the first-ever European Sex Championship in Gothenburg this month, thereby becoming the first country on Earth to officially pronounce the artistry of sex as a sport, in hopes that the domino effect will prevail and that the rest of Europe will follow in its footsteps.

Dragan Bratych, head of the Swedish Sex Federation, has set his heart for quite some time for sex to be recognized as a sport globally, as his associate, John Johnsson, was quick to state, "It's about time we stopped pretending that sex is no more than a side of life that doesn't pay the bills. The fact that Sweden is the first on Earth to declare it a sport is a game-changing victory for us. Sweden has been at the forefront of all things human — environmentalism for example — and there's no doubt that sex is an integral part of that." "Børk! Børk! Børk!", with which he concluded his statement.

The country's maiden sex tournament is scheduled for the 8th of June — three days away from now — with its just recently finalised arrangements serving as the creamy, white icing on the cake. The tournament, under guidance of the Swedish Sex Federation, is slated to last for a span of six weeks; in it will partakers engage in sexual intercourse for hours on end regardless of how long their bouts may persist. One could only imagine the amount of offspring that could result from such a fixture, should the contest's so-dubbed "sex machines" succeed.

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