UnNews:Sucking titty don't make you smart
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
5 October 2006
LONDON (Reuters) - Sucking on a big, fat milk-swollen titty has no impact on a child's intelligence, according to research published on Wednesday.
Although hoovering a bouncy, juicy boobie has many advantages for children including reducing infections, respiratory illnesses and diarrhea, making a kid less of a dimwitted dope does not appear to be among them.
"Schlurping on some huge lady lumps has little or no effect on a kid's brains," Geoff Der of Britain's Medical Research Council, said in a report published online by the British Medical Journal.
The researchers found that although children who dick and suck those lovely bodacious ta-tas scored higher on IQ tests, it was because their mothers tended be more intelligent, better educated and less likely to be skanky coke whores.
Der and scientists from the University of Edinburgh in Scotland analysed data on 5,475 children, 3,161 mothers and 6,322 tits in the United States.
Scientists have been looking at possible links between sucking sweet milk from a big, warm tit mound and intelligence for decades. Der said the key to understanding a child's IQ was the intelligence of the mother, not the size or flavor of her massive mammaries.
"A rough generalisation is that in studies that factor in the mother's IQ, there isn't much difference between somebody who plants their hot lips on the tasty brown nipple of a milk-engorged fun puppy and non-breast-fed babies," Der said in an interview.