UnNews:Successful Launch to solve pesky toilet, Necromorph infestation
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
2 June 2008
The Columbia Space Shuttle launch was a success this weekend...or was it the Discovery?...anyway- the space shuttle launched Saturday in what was a blantant disregard for air traffic, birds, kite flyers, and weather balloons alike. It is currently docked into the International Space Station in order to both repair a faulty $3-million toilet and solve the annoying Necromorph infestation. Astronaut Jim Kelliher on the ISS had this to say: "Finally! With this new toilet we can shit in peace! It used to be that we had to stick our asses or whatnot out the window into the freezing, deep, cold, infinite void of space. And we were having quite an issue with those Necromorphs slashing our throats and ripping out our internal organs in zero gravity, it is somewhat annoying to have your brain sucked out when you're trying to solve the mystery of gamma ray bursts and test out that new cancer serum. I just REALLY hope Commander Iea beats my ass like he said he would." In addition to the successful launch, NASA will be holding an outdoor BBQ the day the shuttle returns. Vegetarians can also come too! Though they will become the main course.