UnNews:Smart dog survived Vick's "Bad Newz Kennels"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 August 2007
Surrey County, Virginia -- A survivor of Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennels told a horrowing tale to awe-struck onlookers in a park earlier today. The survivor, a dog named Toby, explained what life was like in the notorious kennel.
"The treatment we received at the kennel was beyond neglegent, it was downright abusive. We were forced to fight one-another, as a large group of people watched and screamed at us. I nearly lost my tail in one fight! I also learned quickly to NEVER bend over for the soap!" said Tody.
Perhaps the most amazing aspect of Tody's story is not what he endured while incarcerated at Bad Newz Kennels, but his escape. In fact, his escape was so well planned, that Vick set the poor pooch free himself. Tody conspired with two other dogs at the kennel to have himself disguised as a tiger. The other dogs, at Tody's direction, began placing black stripes on his fur with their paws to create what looks like a tiger's stripes. The effect was quite convicing, as is evident by Toby's appearance. The following day, Vick was making rounds at the kennel with an employee, Quanis Phillips, who was feeding and watering the dogs.
When the two got to Toby's cage, Vick said to Phillips, "What in the hell?!? Why do you have a tiger in the kennel?" After Phillips responded that he didn't know how the animal had gotten there, Vick said, "Get that thing out of here! Do you have any idea what kind of trouble we can get into for having an unregistered wild animal? We don't have the proper paperwork to own a tiger!" Phillips then opened the gate, and let Toby free amid very loud howls and barks from the other dogs who remained.
Tody informed reporters that he has plans to organize a fund to help fight animal cruelty, and a support group for other dogs that have suffered the same indignation that he did in the dog fights.
