UnNews:Serbian babies need their bottle

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 February 2008

BELGRADE, SERBIA -- Four days after its southern province Kosovo declared independence, Serbians still aren't over it.

In a tantrum Thursday, sore losers in the Serbian capitol Belgrade took to the streets, staging a massive rally in which crybaby after crybaby bitched and moaned about how unfair life is and how it's everybody's fault but Serbia's. After getting totally drunk, one jerkwad suggested turning the empty bottles into Molotov cocktails and setting fire to the unguarded U.S. Embassy. After burning a couple of the empty rooms, the Serbians got bored and declared victory over the United States.

Smaller protests were reported among Kosovo's ethnic Serbian minority. A trash can was allegedly lit on fire, and moderately loud grumbling has erupted periodically throughout the week, culminating in a blast Thursday that left five members of the ethnic Albanians annoyed.

The Serbian government declared the secession a violation of international law. When asked by terrorist and U.N. chairman Ban Ki Moon exactly which laws had been broken, Serbian Prime Minister Vojislav Kostunica stammered for a moment, then shouted, "Shut up! International law sucks anyway!" before fleeing the room to cry in his pillow.

Kosovo's declaration is supported by the European Union, United States, and various other countries. Russia and China have condemned the move, suggesting alternatives such as a bloody civil war or genocide.

Sources

• Andrew Purvis "Serbians throw a fit about not getting their way" time.com, Feb. 21, 2008