UnNews:Scotland threatens to invade Iran
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9 May 2006
“Do not touch Willy. Good advice!”
In a shocking turn of events, Scottish King Robert the Bruce has threatened to to send over 10,000 woad-covered Highlanders to the Farsi-speaking realm of Iran unless Mahmoud Ahmedinejad "Unilaterrrally disarms all the arms nukular. Ach!"
Iran, which has hitherto been on a rampage, threatening invasion of thousands of unarmed, defenseless nations, was quite angered by the action. Quoth Shi'a cleric Ayatollah Umar Osama Saddam Muhammad Jihad bin Ladin al-Tikriti, "Threatening the invasion of nations who are controlled by the Zionist infidels has always been our job, not the Scots. These laddies couldn't even fight off the Englisc. Isreel an Scotland moost be whopt a the mawp!"
British Prime Minister Tony Blair, noting the audacity of this action and the fact that this may, in fact, constituted a Scots declaration of independence, commented "A uised tae coud dae it, but no nou. The trees growes green in the simmer. Ach!" It is unknown whether or not this apparent usage of Scots is Blair's way of proclaiming himself as Messiah of the Scots.
UnSpel, the guid auld sowrs o spel an crack, ocht tae stert speekin in Scots, the auld leid o the Uniteed Kinrick o Scotland an the English bastards. Scotland aye haes Scots Law, its ain aesome legal seestem, foondit on Roman law, that brings thegither featurs o baith ceevil law an common law. The terms o union wi England specifee'd the retention o separate seestems. Thees arteecal, "Scotland threetins tae skelp Iran" ees inteerly Scots in Characteer, aye. Ach!
Sources[edit | edit source]
- William Walays "The Guid Auld Scots Leid" 1213, Month o November 12, 1295