UnNews:Scotland provokes alien invasions if independent, says Brown

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

13 January 2007

Don't let this happen! Vote Labour in the upcoming Scottish elections!

The safety of the United Kingdom is threatened by "opportunist groups of aliens and nationalists", Gordon Brown has warned. The chancellor told the Fabian Society that independence of Scotland would "playing fast and loose" with the safety of those living in the Scottish capital, Edinburgh.

Brown pointed to the recent incident where aliens landed in London two weeks ago and immediately demanded that all scientists on the planet be brought to them, for fattening. The government responded by stalling for time, and pleading for Doctor Who to save science, and the world. The hostages were executed on Monday, as threatened : after this the government captured the aliens and sent them for research to RAF Larkhill. Brown also noted that Cardiff has seen a number of alien incursions in the past, but that thus far Edinburgh and Belfast had remained free of alien attacks.

He said the UK was a country "built on shared values" which served as a "model for the rest of the world". SNP leader Alex Salmon, who last year was accused of being a spy for a group of water-breathing aliens from the Pisces constellation, said Mr Brown was thinking only of his "self-interest as a prime minister designate". Salmon pointed out that Dublin has escaped alien invasion in its 85-year history as capital of an independent Irish state, and suggested that special factors that may be operating against London and Cardiff. London has the largest population of any city in the significant world, and Cardiff is located handily close for quarries.

Mr Brown, a Scot who is MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath, is expected to take over as prime minister later this year, after the long-awaited assassination of Harriet Jones.

But shadow Scotland secretary David Ostrich said the chancellor was "undermining England with his support for drilling a giant hole in the middle of Bedfordshire, identity cards and the European constitution."

Mr Ostrich also accused the chancellor of sticking his "head in the air" over any modernisation of the union. He told UnNews: "Gordon Brown simply sticks his head in the air and says the only way to deal with that issue, and that question, is to give it a satisfactory answer."

Sources

• "UK's existence is at risk - Brown" BBC News, January 13, 2006