UnNews:Satirist killed, police advise caution to 'paedian parodists

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 April 2007

Please, think of the children.

A satirist and suspected non-ethnic person, known only by his online name Lampooner32, was shot and killed today while blogging. Friends describe the late satirist as funny and having a nice sig. "Nobody could photoshop a gun-toting Dick Cheney into a Nancy Pelosi photo like Lampooner32" said fellow satirist 3mp3r0r Fartacus, "I'm gonna miss that guy, uh, or girl."

According to a handwritten indictment of satire that ended up in the inbox of TV broadcaster NBC, more satirists will be killed. The manifesto is a diatribe against those that "make fun" written by the "enemy of satirists": Moral Superiority. "It's too soon. We need time to heal," states Moral Superiority in his manifesto. "Won't somebody please think of the children?"

Officer Earl Whitey, the lead investigator in the Lampooner32 shooting, spoke about the police response to the satirist's death. "After all this Virginia Tech business, policing authorities have been working hard to discourage attacks on satirists. Just like with the whores, the police are there to protect those who do deserve what they get." Ultimately, police are advising caution, reminding satirists to be on the lookout for Moral Superiority.