UnNews:Salmond announces an independent Scotland would have its own flag
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
26 October 2012
EDINBURGH, Scotland -- Although keeping the pound and the Queen as head of state, Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond today promised that an independent Scotland would get its own flag.
"It's important that the people of Scotland have a flag they can identify with," he told reporters, "and we will not stop at a flag: Scottish fitba (football) fans will no longer have to half-heartedly clap along a United Kingdom football team, they can instead roar their support for the very own team called 'Scotland'."
The official language of Scotland is also set to be changed from English to Scottish English (Scotch), which would be similar, but slower and more angry with a distinctive aroma.
Scotland’s bid for independence seems to be upsetting those south of the border, with a recent poll showing 92% of English citizens plan to shove their own heads (and those of their families) through any televisions providing mind-numbing details of the "For" and "Against" campaigns.
The independence cause is receiving support from abroad, with Frenchman Sean Connery espousing his strong support: "Shurely every shingle shane man knowsh that a Shcottish Independent Shtate is shertain to shucsheed. Shod the Shassenachs!"
Proud Scot Mel Gibson was unavailable for immediate coherent comment.
Important differences between the UK and the puta-tive State of Scotland[edit | edit source]
| UK | Scotland | |
|---|---|---|
| Flag | Red, white, and blue. | White and blue. |
| Money | British Pound | Scottish Pound |
| Exchange Rate | £1.00GBP to £1.00SP | £1.00SP to £1.00GBP |
| Location | British Isles | British Isles (north) |
| Language | British English | Scottish English |
| Tea Accompaniment | Milk, one sugar | Whiskey |
| Summer | July 17th-18th | No |
| Leg Coverings | Trousers | Kilts |
| National Instrument | MP3 Player on phone | Bagpipe |
| Cuisine | Awful | Disgusting |
| Underclass | Chavs | Neds |
| National Past-time | Whinging | Heroin |
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Staff "Scottish independence: Spain warning over EU entry" The Scotsman, Updated: February 3, 2014