UnNews:Raikkonen admits F1 is 'a bit gay'
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 March 2013
Just days after winning the first Grand Prix of the season, Finnish race-car driver Kimi Raikkonen has admitted that Formula One is 'a bit gay'.
"There's something I have always loved about the podium," said the softly spoken blonde. "I used to think it was just the thrill of victory. Then, one time, I won in Dubai, where there was no champagne allowed, and I realised that what I really liked was my rivals, the guys I'd gone up against for the last few hours, shaking their magnums up and then spurting it right across my face as I tried to drink from my own. I guess that sounds a bit gay, right?"
When asked about his preferences, Raikkonen said, "I mostly like on top of the podium, with one guy either side of me, although sometimes it's nice to be in the number 2 position. And of all the drivers, I have had the most fun with Lewis Hamilton when he uncorked his plonk."
Gay Rights' groups have welcomed the news tentatively. Nathan Daniels, spokesman for homosexual sports association Big & Gay said: "On the one hand it is a positive thing that Kimi recognised he has something gay in him. But on the other, there is more to our culture than facial cum shots."
Veteran racer Nigel Mansell was, however, not so keen on the idea. "Kimi is a fine racer, and a good looking sort of chap, but what he has said is disgraceful. There is nothing gay about Formula One. It's about battling with some of the fittest men on earth, chasing them around and around, coming inside them if they don't take a bend properly, and ramming into the back of them when things get rough. What's gay about that?"
