UnNews:Parents' fury as underground volcano base is secretly opened yards from children's playground
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 July 2008
A SECRET UNDERGROUND VOLCANO BASE has been opened in secret on a housing estate just yards from a playground. A footpath separates the vast labirynth of underground tunnels, monorails, solar powered laser platforms and shark pits from the playing field used by children as young as two. The underground base is also 20 yards from a nursery and primary school.
The volcano base is owned by a private company, S.P.E.C.T.R.E, who were awarded a £150 billion government contract after it threatened to detonate a nuclear device that had been planted within a fault line in the Earth's crust, thus triggering a chain reaction that would have destroyed London.
Since the vast underground volcano base was set up in February, the complex is understood to have housed three meglomaniacs who have been hell bent on ruling the world and one criminal who was reportedly orchestrating an audacious raid on Fort Knox. The owners of the underground facility are not obliged to tell neighbours which current power crazed villain is moving into their area, but had "kept North Somerset Council fully informed".
Yesterday parents of children attending the local Day Nursery and Primary School said they are furious they had not been told of the existence of the underground volcano base. Nancy Poo, 93, whose son Adolf, 67, attends the nursery and son Genghis, 45, is at the school, said: "If I had known that we were in the vicinity of a vast underground base I would never have moved to this area!"
"What this means for our house prices, who knows!? I blame Thatcher."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- the "think of" children!, July 18, 2008