UnNews:Papua New Guinea declares war on Boris Johnson

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

8 September 2006

Boris Johnson says New Guineans can eat him, if they aren't already too full of human ass.

LONDON, England - Papua New Guinea said today that it has declared war on noted lunatic, Boris Johnson.

The British MP was discussing the decreasing population in the country, and suggested that it is because "They eat each other." Johnson then decided to continue to eat Pocky which he bought from his trip to Japan. New Guinea is famous for its colorful tribes of cannibals, which paused long enough while gnawing on a human femur to complain.

The Prime Minister of the small country, Papa N. Guinea, reacted strongly to the comments, "We gotta no eat people here. We very good to all people. Britainish comments very damerging to the image of Papua New Guinea and bit insulting to the intergrity and good thinking of all Papua New Guineanders."

He added that Johnson hates the country unreasonably, and is wrongheaded in his wishes that they keep killing their tribal chiefs and that the population should continue to decline due to rampant over-masturbation.

Boris denied the claims, noting, "I already said out loud that Liverpool is full of chavscum, and this wasn't meant to come out either, so shut your filthy gobs, you over-wankers!"

Boris Johnson is a Professional Apologiser, and his Agent said that, "He can add this beauty on to his list, wowzers!"

And despite his controversial claims and hairstyle, Boris will continue his quest for world domination. He began his journey at the tender age of 703 when he headbutted someone in the crotch, face-first.

Sources

• BBC News "Boris Johnson apologises" BBC News, 08/9/2006