UnNews:PM promises more satisfying narratives for road congestion
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Prime minister David Cameron gave way to pressure from drivers groups today, promising more interesting conclusions to traffic jams. The move comes in the wake of an RAC survey which showed over 90% of hold-ups in 2013 ended with little clear resolution.
Speaking about the survey, RAC spokesman Diane Richardson said, "Too many times motorists can be stuck in what seems like an endless queue only for it to suddenly end without any definite cause being evident.
"The last real innovation in driver misery was having motorway congestions oscillating between five minutes of motionlessness and a mile of hopeful driving. That was over ten years ago," she concluded.
Many in the survey chose the 1980's as the most popular time to be stationary, with lorry fires being a popular jam denouement. These became less common in the early nineties, as budget cuts saw less impressive vehicles causing tailbacks; the nadir coming in 1994 when Birmingham became gridlocked by a slow burning mountain bike.
The 21st century did see an increase in ambition with architecturally ambitious roadworks gaining a foothold. With the invasion of existential nordic crime drama to British television though, bad traffic experiences have suffered from more obfuscated finales.
Cameron set out a number of measures, telling reporters that whilst "not every traffic jam could conclude with a burnt out double-decker", every queue would conclude with the minimum of an awkwardly parked Corsa.