UnNews:Octomom sues Michelle Duggar
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
6 September 2009
go to hell go
Little Rock, Arkansas - In a surprise move, Nadya Suleman (AKA Octomom) has filed an injunction and lawsuit against Michelle Duggar, upon hearing that Duggar was due to have a 19th child.
"I have had 14 kids so far, and at an enormous cost in technology and effort, and hear this Christian bimbette is unfairly using divine intervention to have more and more with ease." said Octomom. "Here I've almost caught up, and she goes and gets God to give her yet another. Where does it end?"
Octomom's injunction is to prohibit the latest birth, and the suit is seeking damages in the amount of two of the Duggar's currently 18 children. This would then let each of them have 16 total. "Fair is fair, and besides, if Jim Bob Duggar keeps having to spend more on his kids, there won't be any money from him left to support mine.", said Octomom, known to rely on working men like Jim Bob to keep her own kids fed.
A source in heaven has denied that God has given Michelle Duggar all those kids. Said St. Peter, "Michelle is as effed up as Nadya, she just has more patience. Believe me, we wish she'd stop, or at least stop blaming us." St. Peter is probably referring to the fact that local Christians have been a litte embarrassed at Jim Bob and Michelle basically breeding their own new church.
"God said to be fruitful and multiply, not be fruity with multiples." said St. Peter.
Octomom was unavailable for comment, being busy hosting yet another newscast about how bothersome the press coverage of her is. Michelle was similarly unavailable, as she was busy giving a speech to a crowd of barren women about how it was God who blessed her husband with so many followers...er, children.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Mike Celizic "Arkansas family prepares for baby number 19" MSNBC, September 1, 2009