UnNews:New punctuation guidlines to make sentences more exciting!!!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 May 2008

London, England!!! Citing rising oil prices, Third World food shortages, natural disasters and Michael Bay, the World English Language Reform Society has issued a number of directives designed to make English more upbeat!!!

"Things today are looking a trifle grim, what!!!" said Dr. Quentin Blakeney-Thornton, D.Litt, Regius Professor of Modern English at Oxford University!!! "If we are to get through this, the very English language must be able to keep us upbeat and, as our American cousins sat, 'chipper'!!! This will give us the strength we need to get through these troubled times of ours, IMHO!!1!"

WELRS issued the new guidelines at a conference on Friday!!! Though largely concerned with punctuation :) there are also guidelines on choosing apparent words, 4) sentence (logic) construct, teh speling, and advice on when writing or speaking in ALL CAPS IS ACCEPTABLE!!!

"Oh, em, eff, gee!!!"' said WELRS President and Webster's Dictionary Editor in Chief Prof. Amelia Dagenham!!!. "Theres' a lot of prblms in teh world, kay!??! But teh English language now totally PWNS them all!!! W00T!!!!!"

But not everyone is in fava of the changes (Oh noes!). Sum members of the WELRS are against :( the changes!!!

"Frankly the whole thing is very silly," said Dr Aelius Cripplegate. "I have been against this entire travesty from the beginning. When I attempted to confront Prof. Dagenham upon this issue, I was given a document that supposedly 'explained everything', but in fact merely contained the lyrics to a song called Never Gonna Give You Up, which of course explained very little."

In rlated newz, the French Academy has recently reversed its policy on air quotes. "Oh, I think that this is a "really great" idea."' said French President Nicolas Sarkozy.

Sources

• ____repORteh____ "[kaft.com W00T! INGLISH RULEZ!!!!!!!]" Daily R0xx0r, May 24, 2008