UnNews:New York Bans Niggers
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
2 March 2007
New York -- New York's City Council has banned Niggers from the city, in an attempt to eradicate their use by Hip-Hop artists and young people.
A spokesman for the mayor, Michael Bloomberg, said:
- "We believe that the idea of Niggers is a racist echo of the bad old-days of the Civil War. So the only thing that a
vote-chasingahem I mean responsible and pro-active city government can do is to ban them all."
The move was greeted with enthusiasm by Realtors and Developers throughout the city, who looked forward to making a killing snapping up thousands of soon-to-be-deserted properties in Harlem, Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island, and pretty much all over the City.
It also proved a popular move with certain ethnic groups - namely, Poor White Trash. Zeke-Bob Beaumont, spokesman for the National Association for the Advancement of Rednecks, was quoted as spitting out some chewing tobacco and saying:
- Ah'm as happy as a hog in a bog dat dem cornswogglin' carpetbaggin' politishuns in City Hall done run dem varmints out of town, yessiree! Dem Afr-I-cans were stealin' all de five-dollar-an-hour jobs from respectable folks like me, leavin' me sittin' on ma porch drinking Bud all day. Now I can sit on ma porch all day drinking' Bud all day with the satisfaction that I have a job to go to if I want to. Which I don't, yessiree!"
However the move has proved deeply unpopular with Rappers, Gangstas, Hustlers, Pimps, Playas, Rollers, translators of Ebonics, etc, who have all been effectively been banned from New York. Actor Samuel L Jackson was quoted as saying:
“I've had it with these motherfucking bans in this motherfucking city!”
Meanwhile, there has also been opposition from white liberal academics throughout the city. One complained bitterly:
- "I resent this bitterly intrusive move by the city Government of New York. Indeed, I used to employ a Nigger as my step-'n-fetch carrier, but now he's left me I'm going to have to go to the trouble of finding someone else."