UnNews:New Roman ruins reveal some floating orb

Tuesday, Feb. 19th, 2025

Roman Province of Hell Brittania, where the orb was found.

Some recent archaeological schizophrenics have recently been digging in Hell Britain, where they found some random orb. This worthless orb has been found to also float, and is green. People are calling this the "Gay Orb" because its green, which is on the pride flag. In all actuality, professional yappers such as scientists are saying that it is not in fact gay, but instead highly advanced technology, indicating something about conspiracies about the Romans. Speaking of the Romans, it appears this does belong to the Roman Empire, since it has some Latin text that roughly translates to..."Balls".

Just now, professional yappers such as scientists are calling this orb "worthless, useless, and likely an optical illusion." They state that due to the obscene text on the thing, it is not at all useful and doesn't matter at all. SpaceX is now offering to fly it into space and drop it off on a trajectory into the Sun.

"Due to the obscene nature of the orb and how uh...er..." -Archaeologist Ben DoverBen Dover was then shot dead informed of new information and stated the following.

"The orb is not special. The public should forget about this. You will trust this statement." -Illuminati Archaeologist Ben Dover

After this, Ben Dover was reported dead suffering from mild death syndrome, and the government had no involvement in this.

The Government had no involvement in this. You are completely safe. The orb is not special. It does not fly. It does nothing. You should forget about this incident.