UnNews:New Apple Watch to tell the time

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Wednesday, September 11, 2019

The Apple Kettle will boil water at 100 degrees centigrade

CUPERTINO, California — Apple has unveiled its new generation of products including the next generation of its smartwatch which will be equipped with the ability to display the time. The "always on" display is said to mark an important milestone in watches in that they can be used as watches.

Whilst competitor's products have had similar features for some time, Steve Jobs' granddaughter Tim Cooke took to the stage to explain how the time displayed on Apple Watches would change the way people thought about relativity.

"We're going to simplify time, we're going to make time better," he told an expectant crowd, clarifying that with Apple Time, the day would now be divided into 5, not 24, hours, the "largely unused Wednesday" would be removed with an alarm function that only wakes up the wearer if something interesting is happening, or if it’s 4:20 AM or PM.

Along with the announcement of a new generation of smartwatch, Apple also announced a new iteration of the iPhone which will offer industry leading features such as Apple logos and a new app that tracks and logs when nearby people are taking a dump.

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