UnNews:Nelson Mandela kicked out of hospital

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6 April 2013

Mandela smiled as he watched the news report how concerned everyone was worried about his health. This was when the doctors became suspicious of his illness.

CAPE TOWN, South Africa -- Convicted anarchist Nelson Mandela has been forcibly removed from the hospital where he had been undergoing treatment to drain unknown liquids from his lungs. According to his discharge papers, Mandela lacks the funds to pay for such treatment and is "probably faking being sick for attention."

This was the third time since December that Nelson Mandela was admitted to the hospital for "mysterious lung fluids."

The 94-year-old ex-convict, who spent 27 years in prison on Robben Island and in other jails for his failed attempts to overthrow the government, was in the hospital for ten days having his lungs drained of various fluids. Earlier in the week, one doctor reported, "[we're] pretty sure he's putting all of these fluids in his lungs himself. It's a desperate cry for attention from an old man."

Because he is a convicted criminal, the police were required by law to escort Mandela home at further expense to the taxpayers.

If he wanted attention, he got it. President Barack Obama, a Nobel Peace Prize winner, sent the former anarchist a get-well message. Twitter exploded with tweets of people hoping and praying Nelson Mandela "would get the help he needs."

"Maybe [he] just needs a girlfriend - someone who will make him chicken soup when he gets sick," one person tweeted. People agreed, with some expressing their concerns over the drain the broke Mandela is putting on South Africa's financially stressed healthcare system. "I don't think it's worth the future cost to our children to keep this old criminal alive," one person quipped.

A small group of well-wishers formed outside the hospital and offered to pay for Mandela's treatments, but they dispersed after learning that Mandela was caught by a nurse pouring watered-down syrup down his windpipe late last night.

"It is not my fault," Nelson Mandela shouted as being dragged out of the hospital and into the ambulance that drove him home. "Nobody even cares about me unless they think I'm sick! I just want somebody to care! You're gonna be old one day, and then you'll feel bad for not visiting me!" He is now resting at his Johannesburg home, probably planning his next illness.

President Jacob Zuma has requested South Africa's parliament to raise taxes in order to pay for Nelson Mandela's costly treatment. Nelson Mandela hasn't filed his taxes in nearly three decades.

Sources

• Staff "Mandela released Hospital" New York Times, April 6, 2013

• "Nelson Mandela arrives home in ambulance" The Telegraph, April 6, 2013