UnNews:Media outlets receive chilling hurricane threat tape

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 September 2005

This chilling tape shows a very angry cloud that looks kind of like a kitten. Wait, no. It looks more like a dachshund. No, now it looks like a ducky.

Several media outlets received a chilling video tape today featuring an Al Clouda spokesperson threatening the United States with continued attacks on their largest cities.

"First we attacked New Orleans, the land of homosexuality," said the cloud in a broken English, "and now we shall attack Houston. We hate fat people, too."

"Galveston shall be destroyed as well. Glenn Campbell is overrated," the cloud continued.

The tape was sent to several media outlets, such as CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News. They were also sent to credible news sources.

President George W. Bush, in a speech earlier this month, declared that America should "bomb the sky" because "the clouds hate our freedom."

"We will maintain air superiority", he insisted, as a formation of heavily-armed Hurricane Hunter planes, contracted from Halliburton, scrambled for takeoff.

"We are not scared of Bush," said the cloud. "We shall continue to attack America with very strong winds and sensationalist press coverage."

The tape ended with the cloud issuing this chilling final statement: "Hurricane Rita will be our greatest warrior yet, unless of course she moves over some cooler water in the gulf, in which case she'll weaken and experience less wind speed... Jihad!"