UnNews:Mass flooding reported all across America
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
21 September 2011
AMERICA, Earth - Mass flooding was reported across The United States Wednesday afternoon. Authorities are looking in to the cause and hope to be able to fix the problem as early as Wednesday evening.
"Right now, we've pinpointed the problem to the massive amount of tears being shed by American citizens. We believe the tears stem from the newest edition of Facebook," FEMA Craig Fugate said.
He continued, "We're working diligently with Facebook to insure a smooth transition, but right now, folks are just too angry at the new system."
10:47AM
The US Geological Survey has also reported massive earthquakes, likely caused by people stomping their feet in frustration.
11:03AM
Wide-spread riots have also been reported, which are believed to be caused by the panic from the flooding and from Facebook changing. 42 people have been crushed to death in stampedes.
11:39AM
The Internet is down. We've just learned that The Internet, long a bastion of pornography, has broken. The Internet experts and The Internet trolls alike both seem to think there was simply too much complaining on Facebook. FEMA head Craig Fugate isn't sure when The Internet will be fixed, as they've never had to deal with this before.
11:42AM
FEMA head Craig Fugate just held a press conference. Fugate said, "To be succinctly honest, we've never had to deal with this before, or even a disaster of this proportion. Sure, Katrina was pretty bad, but not this bad... That's not to say that we even dealt with Katrina, either, I'm just saying... This is really, really bad."
With the Internet broken, millions of perverts now have nothing to do, which could lead to more rioting.