UnNews:Mad scientists less interesting than previously believed
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
20 May 2008
Melbourne, Australia Mad Scientists from the University of Melbourne today announced that they had successfully implanted the DNA or an extinct animal in a living embryo. To the disappointment of one and all, the living embryo was from a mouse and the extinct animal DNA was from a obscure extinct marsupial.
"What a rip!" exclaimed Dr. Philip Campbell, editor of the prestigious science journal Nature. "Here I was expecting something mega-awesome like putting Tyrannosaurus Rex DNA in a Komodo dragon, and what do we have? Some stupid Aussie creature's DNA in a frikkin' rat."
Dr. Campbell's comments were echoed by Vatican science adviser, Professor Emilio de Pacelli. "We were all set to condemn this travesty against God's design," he said at a press conference this morning. "But that was on the assumption that they'd taken a cat and turned it into some sort of Saber Toothed Tiger/Stegosaurus hybrid, possibly with laser eyes. When we found out what they really did, we were all like "meh".
"I mean, it's still sinful and all, but really who cares?"'
In spite of these criticisms, Melbourne scientists continue to defended their experiment.
"With all due respect to Dr. Campbell and Prof. Pacelli, this twisted creature we have created is a hideous blasphemy the likes of which this world has never before seen!" said project leader Prof. Hieronymous von Kleffenhof, who went on to say that there is a 'very good' chance that the creature will run amok in some way, possibly leading to a loss of life.
"Mu hu hu ha ha ha ha!" he added.
Melbourne police played down the dangers of the creature escaping, saying that policemen had been issued extra-heavy boots in case the creature needs stomping on at some point.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Comic Book Guy "Worst! Monster! Ever!" Daily Shopper, May 20, 2008