UnNews:Lost Gospel Reveals Relations Between Early Christianity and Scientology
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 February 2007
EL MINYA, Egypt
| “ | This makes the Gospel of Judas sunday school material," excommunicated former Bishop Xerxes Xervesa tells UnNews. | ” |
Extraordinary finding shocks Christian community, Pope demands ban on archeology, swears in blog.
Friday night, a group of amateur archeologists from the Netherlands, lead by ever-controversial Latvian Fricis Žoltoks, discovered what would turn out to be yet another lost gospel. The 60 page long text, written on parchment in Coptic, reveals close ties between early Christianity and Scientology.
"Ve vere serchjing randem tooms vhen ve come across this," Friedrieck, 14, tells UnNews, "Ve are still in the process of recreating certajn parts of the documeijntj, but we believe this to be a major breakthrough for historical revisjonism."
According to excavation site leader and Latvian far-right activist Žoltoks, the text contains "indisputable photographic and written proof that Christ and Hubbard started out as a duo before parting ways, possibly due to a slight disagreement regarding Xenu."
Žoltoks believes the document to have been written by Hubbard himself in the 1st century AD.
"Tell us something we don't know," Scientology leader and former Catholic bishop Xerxes Xervesa demands. UnNews has asked for more time to come up with something that Scientologists don't know, but Xerxes has refused, "I always liked Wikipedia more."
Although spammed for continuous hours by yours truly, the Pope has refused to comment on these foul lies, but he did write in his blog, "No way! Screw you guys! :("