UnNews:London braces for attack by UFO and Godzilla
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
2 January 2013
LONDON, England - London braced for its long-expected and anticipated demise today as a giant seeing-eye UFO slowly led Godzilla through the fog towards the heart of the city. Hundreds of thousands lined the banks of the Thames to see the spectacle, many cheering, singing, and pointing at the UFO as it neared the old bridge. Godzilla remained half hidden in fog, but his throaty roar could sometimes be heard above the din of traffic and vendors.
"Now is not the time to panic," the former Kate Middleton screamed. "I have tried to reason with Godzilla before, under very different circumstances. I found he's quite a reasonable chap when his tummy is rubbed. The UFO's another matter entirely, although daddy-in-law assures us that the Royal Air Force can take command of that front and come out the better."
A little girl ventured onto the bridge and threw tinsel on the UFO while trying to feed Godzilla an egg sandwich. She was grabbed by her mother and marched right home to bed. Other do-gooders held up hastily constructed "Welcome" signs enjoining the duo to make themselves at home over in Hyde, where visits could be arranged and photographs taken.
Film crews from the BBC and other scandal sheets circled the scene in rented helicopters, and an enterprising daring-do reporter was able to spit in Godzilla's eye. A tabloid muckraker shouted questions to the aliens aboard the UFO, but was told to stand clear of the wash, matey, and backed off.
The slowly moving pair were last seen right where they were several hours earlier, having not taken the wind's direction, velocity, or blowback from Parliament into account.
