UnNews:Local weatherman orgasmic during midwest mini-blizzard

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

9 March 2008

As Ohio and the Midwest were slammed with the largest snowfall on record for the month of March, WAKN, Akron Ohio’s ABC affiliate station weather man, Chester Pogue, was so “in his element” that co-workers have described him as giddy" and orgasmic.”

Pogue, who has been the station’s weather man for ten years agrees with his co-workers.

“You know something like this in January can happen, but for 18” inches of snow, sustained winds of 30-35 miles per hour over a twenty-four hour period and a period of “thunder snow” to happen all at once is nothing short of “storm of the century” spectacular in my book!”

The storm, which dumped anywhere from seven to twenty inches of snow on the region in a twenty four hour period was remarkable for region, but did not top the 1978 blizzard which old timers in the midwest still relive with annoying frequency.

Earlier in the week, Pogue had called expected that the pattern of isobars could spell snow. In fact, the American Meteorological Association certified weather man even went so far as to admit that he was “looking for a good six inches for Friday night.”

As the days ticked on, Pogue’s training, and self described “masterful user of the stations “Dual Dial Double Doppler” radar system, developed by students at Summit County Community College, helped the weatherman maintain a firm grasp on the situation while it brewed its ominous offering of rain, sleet and thunder snows.

“With these types of movements you never know, but by God, we received anywhere between 12 inches on our own WAKR front yard and over at the Goodyear Airdock they recorded an unbelievable 17” of fluffy, gently packed snow. How great is this?”

The station, which ran with the story from 6AM Saturday until noon with up to the minute coverage of the Storm of the Century. Pogue said that the station manger needed him to not only be on the air, but in the field as well. "She was depending on me because I'm a man and a professional."

According to station manager Allison McPeak, Pogue’s enthusiasm bordered on maniacal. “Yeah, Chester is so excited when stuff like this happens. He really wanted to do a live remote from the field, but we had several fires, a hostage scenario and potential "bomb" opening at the Little Theatre in Cuyahoga Hills. So the best I could do was send him and a camera man out in to the vacant lot beside the station. You should have seen him out there, all excited. I don't have the heart to tell him that it was all a put on. None of this aired on the station. We really had other more important things to cover.”

“But you know, he’s a trooper,” McPeak added.