UnNews:Local Iron claims second prize in beauty contest.

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

11 March 2012

2nd out of two competitors is still 2nd.

BALTIC AVENUE, Monopolia --

A throbbing crowd of middle aged men and dozens of public television enthusiasts witnessed an emotional roller coaster ride as a popular local iron took out 2nd place in the Baltic Avenue Beauty Contest.

The contest, hosted by Rich Uncle Pennybags, earned its place in history, by being the first ever to feature a podium finish by a domestic duty assistance product.

Along with the second prize loser’s sash, the Iron won itself the grand total of ten dollars which it says, “will go a long way towards paying off the fifteen dollar poor tax I recently incurred so I’m like, really glad I took the chance to compete.”

For the Iron, who works at the local electric company, life hasn’t been an easy ride. Just recently, it was forced to spend three turns in the county lockup for violating a community chest order as it wasn’t able to pay the fifty dollar bribe to police officials needed to escape conviction.

The contest also didn’t go as well as planned. In an embarrassing moment during the swimsuit competition which it wont soon forget, the Iron forget to turn itself off and subsequently overheated and burnt a hole right through it bikini bottoms leaving the ogling men in the crowd a little hot under the collar.

Although that little blunder cost it any chance of claiming first place, and a nice sash and tiara, the Iron was able to make amends for it in the personality round. When asked “What’s the most important thing to you?” the Iron responded by saying, “World peace, world peace and a neat pair of slacks with a perfectly ironed crease down the middle.” to which the judges could easily relate to.

Should the winner of the contest fail to perform her duties or be unable to limit her pornography and drug scandals to less than five, the Iron shall be become the new Miss Baltic Avenue which comes with a prize of twenty-five dollars, free local parking for a year and a free weekend at the luxurious Boardwalk hotel.