UnNews:Latest Newspoll results suggest Howard is even lagging behind the worm

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 October 2007

Artist's interpretation of Howard during Stolen Worm Generation

AUSSIEBATTLEVILLE, Australia --Sunday's Great Debate between John Howard and Kevin Rudd was marred by the appearance of a giant worm on Channel 9's coverage. Many deeply important and profound policies were debated that will effectively decide the future Australia. However, this all paled in comparison to the enormous worm on the scene. On many occasions throughout the evening the Worm chose to rebut important points made by both party leaders.

Howard appeared to old to deal with the Worm. He was vehemently against the Worm from the beginning, his anti-Worm stance was well-known throughout Australian politics, stemming from his refusal to apologise over the Stolen Worm Generation. When many baby worms were stolen from the worm parents in an attempt to assimilate the worms into society, with the end goal of eventually outbreeding the worms. After Howard's claims of Reconciliation with the Aboriginal people in Australia should he be elected, the Worm-lobby in Canberra pushed for worm reconciliation as well. At the news of Howard's renewed refusal to reconciliate with the worms they decided to send in a large worm into the debate as a protest.

Howard pictured with stalwart of the anti-Worm lobby

“My God that's a freakin' huge Worm”

~ Peter Costello, Treasurer on Seeing the ginormous worm on the stage

“That's not a worm I'm just happy to see the Australian people”

~ Kevin Rudd on His own Worm

In an attempt to change the Worm's 'pre-conceived' party preference, liberal members sent in Aborigines, in the hope that they would catch it and eat it. Unfortunately unfair racial stereotyping did not seem to help the government, and the consensus was the John Howard lost the debate.

However, this event created noticeable exposure for the Worm, who was previously an unnoticed backbencher. There have now been calls for the Worm to run against Mr. Howard and Mr. Rudd. The latest Newspoll results put the Worm's approval rating at 65%, with a 65% margin of error. Some political analysts have suggested his hijacking of the Great Debate could be akin to Barack Obama's Democratic Party Congress speech in 2004. Being a stringently neutral news service we at UnNews can safely say that all of you should vote Worm in 2007.

Sources

• Urethera Pachydoric "Howard losing to Worms as well" Altimeter and Smell Enthusiast, October 20, 2007