UnNews:Keep our boats safe!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

21 February 2009

If we can't do this to millions, should we be sad? Or glad...

The recently admitted collision of two undersea Armageddon machines really calls into question all of our safety. If these shiny expensive machines with their contained arial fireworks cannot be operated safely, we have to ask if their ultimate purpose is safe. Is Armageddon quality assured? Can we rely on it as an aid to sustained modern living?

Or is it as fragile as its instruments, these bulbous whale like things that cannot avoid each other in millions of cubic miles of oceanic emptiness? One is tempted to think no, if the commissioned military capped gentlemen with all their gold braid cannot keep the boats from colliding, is there confidence in what the boats are designed to do? Is Armageddon unreliable? Or is an unreliable Armageddon preferable to an assured Armageddon?

Perhaps control is the thing, and the current panic about collisions suggests this: to know that civilisation will disappear when a button is pushed is preferable to not knowing for certain, to not knowing if there has been a collision, to not knowing if there is one boat or two, if it was really a sinking container or another country's boat that was also cocking up in the same patch of ocean.

Anther way of looking at this complex issue is that our military overlords, newspapers, and dammitall, the public are outraged that other nations are safe (possibly) because of the unreliability of our boats. Is that good? Millions of people saved by incompetence? Well , some call it good, most are outraged, and that says something about where we're at, methinks. But how do we make this satirical? How to rebut the UnNews demons who condemn the unfunny? No way can this be made funny, so have your way you experts.

Armageddon must, must be achievable at the push of a button, dammit let's sort out these navy bods and their gimmicky gizmos so that we can all, all be assured of that. At least. And sleep sound in that knowledge that our boats are safe, Armageddon is deliverable like our milk in the morning. Hallelujah. Pass the corn flakes...

Sources

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