UnNews:Kaiser Chiefs arrested for predicting the future
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
17 August 2011
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British indie band the Kaiser Chiefs have been arrested by the British police after looters were heard humming the song I Predict A Riot.
In a series of dawn raids at the band's various homes, British Home Secretary Theresa May congratulated the bobbies for 'nipping incitement to cause fear and damage in the community'. She said their song had been directly responsible for the civil disorder this month which saw various cities in England go up in flames. Now May said English justice were going to 'throw the book at them, one preferably carved in granite with spikes attached'.
In a deliberate attempt to send a message to all would-be indie bands, the police displayed the Kaiser Chef's various instruments they had written the song on. It was an impressive haul of bass guitars, keyboards, microphones, rizzlas and beer bottles. Also on display were lyric sheets with annotations that read 'sing with added violence' and 'light fuse here' in blue biro.
This is damning evidence which will see these scruffy millionaires locked up for a very long time, said May. The Kaiser Chiefs had been planning to release another album with the title Let's Arrange A Rumble on Facebook which by my understanding of the law means they were going to play more songs about civic disorder.
Legal authorities say the band's another songs like The Angry Mob, You Can Have It All and Heat Dies Down show clearly the Kaiser Chiefs were organising the disorder. Also responsibility for the career of Simon Cowell, defeat of England at the 2010 World Cup and the death of Princess Diana would be added to the charge sheet.
Joining his colleague in condemning the Kaiser Chiefs, British Prime Minister David Cameron urged people to fill out a petition requesting sterlization for rioters and post it on the government's website.
I want this band made an absolute example of, said Cameron. If there is anything else we can pin on these tuneless thugs, send a message to my Blackberry or tweet it. The fightback against vacuous Britpop starts here!!
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Staff "Facebook rioters get four years in prison" The Guardian, August 17, 2011
- Staff "Hanging is too good for them!" Daily Telegraph, August 17, 2011