UnNews:John Prescott up to his man tits in scandal again

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5 July 2006

Prescott under fire for his latest corruption scandal

London, In-ger-lund -- Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is once again the subject of claims of being more corrupt than a... well a New Labour Deputy Prime Minister. It is reported that when he is not playing croquet, having two shags, twatting people armed with eggs or dodging council tax he is courting jumped-up bingo tycoon Phil Anschutz.

Phil Anschutz is rumoured to be planning to turn the Millenium Dome into the world's biggest Bingo Hall and, according to sources in Whitehall, wants Prescott to be his caller. However, the Conservatives said this is a conflict of interests, as working every evening would jepordise his job of helping the New Labour project run the country even further into the ground.

Henry Cuntington-Smythe, Tory MP for Arsechester, told MPs in Commons, "That fat bastard has to be arsing around making sure this country goes to the dogs! How the fuck are we going to win the next election if he's not in the country wreaking destruction and ballsing up everything left, right and centre?"

Tony Blair was however standing up for his right hand man. "I think he would make a fantastic bingo caller, y'know. He's had plenty of practise calling out numbers, y'know. Five and forty... thousand beds being cut down in the NHS. Nine and sixty, Sixty nine... is what he did with his mistress the other evening. I, ahem, saw it on CCTV. Oooh, five and seventy, 75 stones is what he weighed at birth. Fuck knows what he weighs now."

Phil Anschutz however attempted to distance himself from Mr Prescott, though Prescott's gravitational field has grown so large since he took office in 1997 that he is now permanently stuck to his arse. "He was bloody useless as calling. Everyone keeps on calling full-house all the time because he's so fat he fills up the whole fucking bingo hall and they can't get in. It's bad for business having someone who makes Jabba the Hut look like Kate Moss around!"

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