UnNews:Japan opens Solar System War I
Friday, February 22, 2019
Today Japan opened Solar System War I by bombing asteroid Ryugu, an interplanetary hiding place of Japan's holy dragons. Last summer it had been conquered by the lander Mascot, which was sent by Germany and Japan. After its safe landing the German Federal Chancelorette Angela Merkel sold out its ally Japan by declaring Ryugu being German territory. But now Japan sent its lander Hayabusa 2 - The Empire Strikes Back!!! Before landing it shot a massive bullet onto the micro planet. But Mascot immediately shot back with its German G36 gun - of course - weapon connoisseurs know why - the shot went round the corner, missing the target. Hayabusa 2 could escape, but Japan's Emperor claimed in the morning that this maneuver had been planned that way. Lander Hayabusa rested not longer than a second on the asteroid, but long enough to ram a flagpole with the Japanese flag into Nippon's holy place in space to reclaim the Empire's ownership. The bombing was done to wake up the sleeping dragons. Hayabusa 2 will give them advice to spit fire onto the enemy lander Mascot.
- Michael Roston and Kenneth Chang "Japan’s Hayabusa2 Spacecraft Lands on Ryugu Asteroid" New York Times, February 22, 2019