UnNews:Israel Offers a 'Mezzanine' Solution to Palestinians

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15 June 2009

The Mezzanine or 'Middle East Sandwich' Solution. Not shown is the basement which will be jointly owned on alternative days by Israel and Palestine.

Jerusalem, Israel - Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has offered the Palestinian authority a new proposal to solve the long running conflict between. He is suggesting a new two storey offer in what has been called the 'Mezzanine Solution'.

Outlining his plans in a speech at a press conference, Netanyahu called on all sides to accept the offer or "face a very grumpy Israel" which will not hesitate to go it alone, if 'alone' still means with complete American military and economic backing. The Israeli leader then went on to talk more but not apparently aware that the microphones were still switched on.

First stage of the newly proposed 'Mezzanine Floor' for the safe keeping of the Palestinians. Netanyahu is very excited about this construction project near Jerusalem.

"...ha..ha..ha...yes, I have ordered the Israeli airforce to bomb Tehran..so this is my offer to the Palestinians currently living in Judea and Samaria. Israel will allow you to live where you are but you must all move to the Mezzanine Floor whilst the peace process is finalized. How it will work is they will move off the land while our world class Israeli engineers build a platform across their - er, our - land. Then when it is finished, the terrorstinians..er...Palestinians will be allowed back in on a Mezzanine Floor. Of course to safeguard Israel, we will occupy the ground floor and all the floors above. We may consider joint access to the basement on alternative days to avoid fighting by the washing machines, but heck, Arabs don't wash much anyway, do they?....So, what was that sex change joke again about Tzipi Livni again ??..."

When asked if this was this official position of the new Israeli government, Netanyahu smiled and said that his good solution was meant to be a serious peace option. He also suggested that any Palestinian who opposed it was obviously a supporter of various terrorist organizations - such as the Hamas, Hezbollah, Taliban and the BBC.

Barack Obama demonstrates to Benjamin Netanyahu that he has the 'hands on the driving wheel of destiny'. The Israeli leader is said to have later 'nodded off' during the following Obama polemic about peace.

"We make this offer without any other preconditions for now.", continued Netanyahu. "This is my government's measured response to President Barack Obama, who, I am sad to say, listens too much to other people who are hostile to Israel. Such as non-Israeli's in general."

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas's first response was to denounce the 'mezzanine' offer as the biggest insult to his people since...well, since the last insult! When it was suggested that Netanyahu had been 'joking', Abbas said "the Israeli leader doesn't do humour" and reaffirmed that his people would not be moved from their land except on the end of bulldozers.

So far there has been no official response from Washington. An unofficial source said President Barack Obama was 'laid back' and 'cool' about the Israeli offer to the Palestinians. He then commented in the third person, "The President knows where to 'squeeze' Israel so that may be a bit more serious about the issue of peace." With that he grabbed his crotch to suggest what he may have in mind. The spokesman then added:

You know the old adage. If you have your hands on the economic balls of a state, their hearts and minds will follow.