UnNews:Home Office in "prisoners in clownsuits" outrage
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11 January 2007
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THE MEMORY HOLE, Westminster -- Fresh controversy hit the UK Home Office this morning as a leaked memo revealed that prisoners are being sent "willy nilly" to the circus in an effort to ease prison overcrowding.
Multiple murderer and armed robber Frank Malone was recently seen "acting the clown" with the Moscow State Circus by Detective Jim Hutch, who arrested Malone in 1995.
"I came to see the clowns and scantily clad ladies when who do I see chucking confetti from a bucket over the audience but old "Razor" himself. Well, my night at the circus was well and truly ruined I can tell you!"
Home secretary John Reid was nonplussed at the consternation expressed at these revelations, in a statement Reid stated that: "The importance of circuses to the economy cannot be underestimated. The shortage of clowns and trapeze artists has been reaching critical levels in recent months. Couple this with prisons running at capacity and the critically thin supply of Playstations and Xboxes available for the gaol populace it was a natural progression to fill the gap in this way."
Serial killer Dennis Nielson, now a plate spinner for Barnaby's Circus in Hull was understandably over the moon to be offered the opportunity to join the circus, "if I had been given this opportunity 25 odd years ago then all those young men would be alive today." he said, probably.
It doesn't stop there. Other Home Office initiatives include a scheme to send prisoners to act as tour guides for Japanese holiday makers in London as well as one idea to just f***king close all the prisons and let them all out, with a complementary bowie knife / 9mm handgun of their choice.