UnNews:Hilarious office intern pissing everybody off

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5 October 2006

Lindeman, left, laughs uproariously at one of his own jokes, as co-workers force grins.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN- The 'hilarious' new office intern at Minneapolis' 225 South Sixth tower's 27th floor is really pissing everybody off. Dick Lindeman, 23, recently began his internship at the tower, fetching coffee and bagels for the network administration department. The self-titled 'comedian' has since been pissing everybody off with his bad jokes and inconvenient 'slapstick'. "I hate the little shit," remarks Carl Goodman, network administrator, "he tells the worst jokes. It's really convenient that his name is Dick. Me and the guys always use it to our advantage, you know, implying he is a penis".

Lindeman, however, knows nothing of his unpopularity, going about his comedic business as usual. "Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?" inquires Lindeman, blurting out "Neither has he, ha ha ha!" before his co-worker even has a chance to reply. "I love to laugh,", confesses Lindeman. "I steal most of my jokes from that Chandler guy on Friends. He's my hero, and no-one watches that show anymore, so I don't get caught."

Despite numerous attempts to have Lindeman fired, his co-workers have been unsuccessful in removing him from their lives. Ted Ygrjvslhv, janitor, seems to be the most affected by Lindeman's antics. "He talks to me when no-one else is around. I'll admit that I've tried to, you know... rid myself of him a few times, but he never stands anywhere near the windows." Lindeman continues to piss off his co-workers at the time of writing.

Sources

• Olaf Keinstubenmachenbacherpachenmachen "Office politics and the geopolitical implications thereof" UnNews, October 5, 2006