UnNews:Heathrow Terminal 5 open to failure

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

27 March 2008

The average BA pilot on a coffee break this morning.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- Today was the opening of Terminal 5. There were, however, a few "glitches".

British Airways, which uses the terminal, was forced to cancel 34 flights by 1400 GMT due to "teething problems" and "staff familiarisation" in the morning. The staff of 5000 under-3s, of which 30% are teething, complained saying that it wasn't their fault, it was the fact that the computer system is running Windows Vista. However the toddlers lifting the heavy luggage and driving cars had a direct impact on the delays in the luggage collection services.

A BA spokestoddle-person and translator said delays in getting the staff to co-operate for screening and technical difficulties had caused the airline problems. Cancelled services in and out of the terminal included flights to Ballamory, The Night Garden, Telletubbyland and Lazytown as well as Glasgow and Aberdeen.

"These are all domestic or short haul flights and we are working hard to get people away on alternative flights," a BA spokesman gurgled.

Some waited two hours for Weight Lifting Equipment from a Berlin flight that landed at 0830 GMT.

Sources

• BBC News ""Technical Glitches" hit T5 opening" BBC News, March 27, 2008