UnNews:Gundam experiences midlife crisis
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 July 2009
Tokyo, Japan--- Gundam went on a rampage in downtown Tokyo causing millions of dollars in damages. Gundam has since been subdued and is now under surveillance by physicians and authorities alike. Reports are now saying that Gundam is experiencing what one expert is calling a midlife crisis. "With the upcoming unveiling, the pressure of the media to look fit and young, and the lack of rest, it was enough to send anyone (or anything) over the edge," says Amuro Ray, long time friend of Gundam.
The incident began when one celebrity news reporter asked Gundam's age. According to Gundam, he/she/it came to a stark realization, "I'm getting old." According to Gundam's personal physician "It was a slow process that happened over the course of several weeks. Gundam would stay out hours on end and then come to my home and cry in the corner muttering 'This hand of mine burns with an awesome fury, it tells me to defeat you!' I'm not sure but I think he/she/it was masturbating."
Gundam began his/her/its rampage by flinging a bystander's car into the nearby river, then Gundam made his/her/its way to the highway and proceeded on into Tokyo. "Its a Gundam!" is supposedly what one policeman announced right before he was killed in a fiery explosion. The local police sent in several mobile suits but they were easily dispatch in waves or 9 or more in one blow. Finally Gundam decided to sit down and open up the roof of a local Ben and Jerry's, or as they call it in Japan "Ken and Ryu's", and eat ice cream and cry.
Besides one police officer and the pilots of at least 30 or so mobile suits, no one was seriously hurt. Gundam has since apologized publicly saying, "My actions were childish and in bad taste, I apologize to the family of that police officer and the families of the mobile suit pilots. Hopefully in a few years we can all look back on this and have a good laugh."
Gundam's unveiling is on July 11th, 2009 and he/she/it can be visited until August 31st.
- Mary Yamaguchi "Gundam turns 30; robot will live on, creator says." Associated Press, July 07, 2009