UnNews:Greatest fake heart attack ever performed is still going on

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12 August 2011

They were performing the classic Elvis lives.

Gary, Indiana -- On July 6, 2011, a small girl named Sis Sisington was performing the play Elvis lives when one scene changed her life forever. At the scene were Elvis's maid see's Elvis return from his business trip and, because she thought him dead, suffers a heart attack. She always had been terrible at the fake heart attack! I thought there was no hope! But on stage she was amazing! Says Sis's acting teacher. But other people had different opinions.

"She's been doing this for two months now! It has to stop!" her mom told reporters. Her dad likewise complained that "She won't do any of her chores!" while her doctor merely declared her dead.

A random guy, on the other hand, had this to say: "Everyone says 'oh that heart attack was so real' - well what about my daughter! She played a big role! But no one cares about her!"

"No, seriously, this girl is dead," her doctor insisted.

Jealous, on July 26, her older brother decided to force her stop by throwing rocks at her. Didn't work. He is currently weeping about how his sister is better then him at everything. Currently the sequel, "Elvis still lives", is being worked on. Sis will play the part of Elvis's new girlfriend, Frieda. But if she wants to keep that role, she'll have to stop acting out that first heart attack.