UnNews:Giant UFO seen at O'Hare Airport, aliens pissed at delays
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 January 2007
O'HARE, Chicago, Tuesday (Space.Com) — A huge unidentified flying object has landed at O'Hare Airport, Chicago. The travelers disembarked and were promptly whisked into Immigration, where they have been queueing since Monday afternoon, having been unable to produce valid RFID biometric American passports.
- ALIEN: I am Lord Xenu the Conqueror! Let me through and take me to your leader!
- IND: We must process you, sir, for security of our homeland against terrorist invaders. You're not from ... the middle East, are you?
- ALIEN: Dare you mock me, puny Earthling? I could destroy your entire planet with hydrogen bombs around every volcano!
- IND: Oh ... oh. You said the "B" word. I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the full cavity search you are about to receive. So goddamn sorry.
- ALIEN: HOW DARE YOU! TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME! I GIVE THE ANAL PROBES AROUND HERE!
The processing is not expected to go well by either side.
President George W. Bush offered his "high welcome to our space brothers, who can now learn about democracy and Jesus from us as they've had the fantastic good fortune to land in the United States of America." Canada has offered the aliens entry at Toronto, with the enticing offer of a greater possibility of intelligent life.
