UnNews:Gerbil gunned down whilst getting himself a pint of milk

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20 January 2010

Police are seeking public support to re-establish the rule of law in the area as well as solve the murder.

Glasgow just turned into downtown LA without the hot weather or the 'low fat chicks' according to one resident as ‘Gerbil’ is shot dead outside of Asda Robroystion on Jan 14.

The incident where Kevin "Gerbil" Carroll was shot was something that he had survived before, but had unfortunately failed to survive another gun attack again after being shot directly by non-inebriated Glasgow criminal hitman. The police have been making enquires on how the Glasgow gangster was shot after buying a pint of milk, Daily Record and smart price scotch egg. The tragedy here the police say is not just that a man died, nor was it somebody’s son, but the fact the ‘poor basard just go’ hiself a bag for life’.

Police have made perimeter around the store with rumours abounding as to whether he was gunned down for his animal rights credentials being called Gerbil. Latititia Fannyslack commented that “sometimes being a lover of animals can inflame the wrong people, just watch Guerrillas in the Mist

This and other even more tenuous leads are being followed by the police, who have reportedly fled after the Ned quotient in the area swelled as have the amount of Gangster Rap records at the store itself.