UnNews:Florida woman found to be the only Jewish intactivist

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Yesterday, Tuesday, the 32nd, a Florida woman stole all the scalpels from a local hospital. Due to the shortage, no circumcisions were performed that day. What she did with them is that she melted them into one big scalpel, beheading all the doctors in the circumcision wing. The woman was unidentifiable. But after a DNA test, it confirmed she was Jewish. She told the cops why she did it. She said “babies feel pain. No cut. No pain. Just wash no STD no cheese. The earth is flat and I’ll bite off your testicle. Keep talking to me and I’ll bite the entire cock off.” Instead of being arrested she was sent to a mental hospital. Her trigger being the word “circumcision”. Sometimes she couldn’t sleep if it was too quiet, she had to hear the ambience of the hospital, the screaming of the woman next door, more screams from the men’s ward downstairs. the hum of the fluorescent lights in the hallway, some nights it was just too damn quiet. The screams being the best way to get her to sleep. When she couldn’t sleep, she’d laugh all night, waking other patients.

She escaped somehow one morning, a doctor, on break at subway was found dead in the men’s room. According to witnesses, the doctor was kinda creeped out because she followed him into THE FUCKING MENS ROOM. Cause of death was choked to death mid-piss. When they brought her back, they made sure to put a new lock on her door, and gave her books and a tv to keep her occupied.