UnNews:FA Cup Football : Top 3 avoid each other thanks to Chief Ballwarmer
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 February 2007
LONDON, UK -- Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal will avoid each other in the FA Cup quarter-finals thanks to a rigged draw set up by the current Chief Ballwarmer, and professor of thermodynamic cooling in spherical objects, at the FA.
Balls are drawn from a bag for the draw, in an effort to make the draw look real, but the draw can easily be fixed by warming the balls before the draw.
“It’s important for the good of the game that the big 3 avoid each other, otherwise they could lose out on potential revenue if they were to knock each other out at this stage, thereby losing their current dominant position and stranglehold over other clubs.” said an FA spokesperson who also worked for one of the big 3.
Manchester United will travel to Middlesbrough or West Bromwich Albion.
Chelsea got the home tie they paid for and will face Tottenham at home, while Arsenal will host Manchester City in the ties to be played on 10 and 11 March.
Plymouth meet Watford but frankly, who cares.
Suggestions that ball warming doesn’t happen as Arsenal drew Liverpool in the 3rd round were rubbished by the FA. “Our microwave was broken that day so that doesn’t count.”
The FA moved their premises to Soho Square in London, an area renowned for its ability to produce local boys skilled in various ball warming techniques.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Big guns kept apart in Cup draw" BBC, February 19, 2007
- "Coating effects on transient cooling a hot spherical body" Centre National De La Recherche Scientifique, February 19, 2007