UnNews:Elvira dies again

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11 January 2007

Missy de Carlo, in her low-paid role as Vampira, Mistress of Mayhem

HOLLYWOOD -- Actress Madeline Carlotto, most famous for her role as Emorticia, Queen of Dracula, died again today at the age of 129.

Mortilla rose from the stock company of the Garithager Traveling Theatre in the 1940's to become one of its most famous performers. She caught the eye of Hollywood in 1948, and was cast in a number of pot-boiler mysteries, including, "Who Keeps Moving the Butter?" "Pansy Davis Loses a Heel," and "The Creeping Panties."

It was probably her role as "Vampoidia," the wicked, zombie clothing designer in Panties that ultimately led to her casting as El Virus, Daughter of the Dark, in the long-running early 1960's sitcom, "The Monster Family." Fans quickly took to her as the long-suffering wife of a serial corpse fucker, Fred Fuckstone, who was always creating havoc with his get-rich-quick schemes and dismemberment.

Unfortunately, Carlin became so associated with the role of Viperia that she became type-cast, and thereafter was only able to find work as a novelty in several low-budget exploitation films, including, "The Wild Hair Bunch," "Billy Jack III, The Revenge of the Jack," and "The Corpse Fucker Under the Stairs."

Mangothia retired from show business in the early 1980's and lived in relative seculsion in a refrigerator box under a bridge on Santa Monica Boulevard. Models of her sexy-vampire character currently sell on eBay for 10 times more than she ever made in television.

Per her request, Pansy will have a stake driven through her heart to prevent her from rising again and killing more villagers.