UnNews:Dinosaurs no longer extinct

Thursday, November 23, 2017

"Bessie," an 18-year-old T-rex, is the first known living dinosaur in 65 million years. She was discovered by some hick in Illinois.

For the first time in 65 million years, scientists have discovered a live tyrannosaurus rex in Illinois. The animal, as well as every breed of dinosaur minus The Loch Ness Monster, Godzilla and Barney, had been thought globally extinct until this new sighting.

The initial sighting was first reported by Galena resident, Cletus Einstein. "I done saw one o' them tyranno-raptors walkin' past mah house," he said. "Foot was about the size of my dang house! I thought it was another damn eclipse. I then called up the PO-lice and here we is."

Cletus Einstein, of Galena, IL, was the first person to report the T-rex sighting.

The creature was identified as an 18-year-old female, roughly 9 feet tall, raising questions about their global population. Local paper The Southern Illinoisan reported the story.

It is unknown if this dinosaur is the real deal or a clone, such as those in Michael Crichton's novel -- and Steven Spielberg's 1993 hit film, Jurassic Park. And if it is real, why did it not die when the asteroid hit?

"Hell if I know," says one top scientist.

A search is now underway worldwide for any more dinosaurs. "We're looking for T-rexes, Triceratops, Pterodactyls, Mastodons, Whooly Mammoths, Dodos, Sabretooths, and those delicious brontosaurus burgers that Fred Flintstone loves."

Until more dinosaurs are found, they have been upgraded from extinct status to endangered. "Our hope is that we can move them to the 'vulnerable, but not endangered' list."

Sources

• Kristin Hugo "Long-Lost Alligator Snapping Turtle Rediscovered 30 Years After Thought to Be Extinct in Illinois" Newsweek, November 14, 2017