UnNews:Dick Cheney, daughter's baby look oddly similar

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 May 2007

In the opinion of some, Mary Cheney's baby bears a strong resemblance to his grandfather.

WASHINGTON DC -- Today, Mary Cheney, daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, gave birst to an eight-pound, six ounce baby boy who bears a strong resemblance to his grandfather.

Samuel David Cheney was born at 9:46 P.M. Nurses describe the boy as "healthy, in good spirits, and with the cutest little sneer".

Dick Cheney came to see the child a few hours later, along with shadowy genetics researcher Klaus Serpenski, dressed in his trademark labcoat and dark goggles. This marks the first time that Dr. Serpenski has been seen in public since his high-profile firing by the International Genetic Research Institute, which came about after his human research was found to have violated ethical guidelines and international law.

Daughter Mary Cheney and her long-time female partner, Heather Poe, had initially expressed reservations about having a child. "We were initially not sure how we could possibly do it. After all, there is the question of how to go about becoming a mother when you're in a same-sex relationship. But Dad and Dr. Serpenski were really supportive," said Mary Cheney. "They flew us out to Klaus' laboratory on Snake Skull Island where they have all this really high tech equipment that Dr. Serpenski said was just impossible to get, or even to use, in the United States. Then they took some blood, did some tests, and the doctor said he had some suitable genetic material and it would be no problem. Next thing you know, I'm a mom! Plus, Klaus was very supportive of our desire for privacy. The whole time, he kept telling all his lab workers, 'speak nothing of what you see here!' It's really nice that he appreciated our need to keep this low-profile and out of the media."

Said Lynne Cheney, "Oh, I'm thrilled to be a grandmother, of course. I've always wanted a grandson. And I never thought it was possible, but Dick is even more excited than I am."

"Now, I will live FOREVER!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!" said the Vice President, when asked about becoming a grandfather. "In the metaphorical sense that one lives on through one's descendants. Of course. Yes, that's what I meant."

Dr. Serpenski also shared in the joy of the occasion. "They laughed! They all laughed!" said the doctor, shaking his fist furiously, presumably referring to the joyous laughter that must have surrounded the blessed event.

Sources

• The Isley Brothers "Dr. Strangelove revisited during an acid trip" Pontificating Droolers Monthly, May 25, 2007