UnNews:Couple mistake kebab shop owner for missing Madeleine McCann

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

18 August 2008

Maddeleine McCann, pictured shortly before she went missing.

WHEN TWO BRITISH TOURISTS SPOTTED fat balding 45 year old Greek man, Gregor Pikolonkis, serving up kebabs whilst on holiday in Corfu, they immediately thought it was Madeleine McCann. The couple became even more convinced that the brash pot bellied, cigar smoking kebab shop owner who spoke in only halting English was the missing Briton after secretly taking a couple of photographs.

So when Mr Pikolonkis had finished ladeling chili sauce on her kebab, the British woman grabbed the man's arm in a misguided attempt to frisk Maddie away to safety. It was only when Gregor angrily told her to "get your flipping bloody hands off me you bloody woman!" that the mistake was realised.

Gregor is a human being, as is Madeleine, but the similarity ends there - he is 43 years older than the missing three-year-old and, whilst being a closet transvestite could never in a million years be mistaken for an 80 year old woman, much less a pre-school infant as his back is hairier than a monkey's arse.

Today the British woman, who wished to remain anonymous, told of the moment that she and her husband became convinced that the man serving their kebabs was the missing girl, "he jusy looked so unhappy, as if he didn't want to be there. I'm sure I heard him say he couldn't wait to go home and give his wife a good beating. We became sure that was a cry for help, or something."

"We were so sure it was her", the husband added, "I started getting suspicious when the kebab man put chili sauce on my kebab without asking first. I was most annoyed as I usually have mayo on my meat. The Greek bastard refused to give me a bloody refund.".

The incident is just the latest in a long line of false sightings such as the incident in Holland where apparent CCTV footage of the girl turned out to merely be the ghost of Napolean Bonapart.

Sources

• the "think of" children!, August 18, 2008